Getting engaged is the fun part. Then comes the one conversation almost no one plans for: money. Having it before the wedding is one of the biggest predictors of a happy, low-stress marriage.
Below is the whole money talk, broken into eight bite-size parts. Grab your partner, pour a glass of wine, and work through it together. There are no wrong answers.
1 Your money mindset
Before the numbers, understand where each of you is coming from.
- How did your family handle money growing up?
- Are you naturally a saver or a spender?
- What does money mean to you: security, freedom, status, or generosity?
- What is your biggest money fear, and your biggest money goal?
- Have you ever hidden a purchase from a partner, and why?
2 Debt and credit
Full transparency here prevents nasty surprises later.
- What debts do each of you have (student loans, credit cards, car, medical)?
- What are your credit scores, roughly?
- Is there any money or debt the other person does not know about?
- How do you each feel about taking on debt?
- Will we tackle debt together, or keep it separate?
3 Income and everyday spending
- What does each of us earn, and how stable is it?
- What are our fixed monthly expenses?
- What is a normal amount to spend without checking in first?
- What counts as a need versus a want for each of us?
- How much do we want to save every month?
4 Combine, separate, or a little of both?
One of the most-searched newlywed questions is how to combine bank accounts after the wedding. There is no single right answer, just three common models:
5 Bills and who does what
- Who pays which bills, and how?
- Will we split proportionally to income, or 50/50?
- Who manages the day-to-day money, and who tracks the big picture?
- How often will we have a money check-in? Monthly is ideal.
6 Your 5-year plan
The fun part: dream together, then put numbers to it. For each goal, jot down the goal, the rough cost, the target date, and the monthly amount to get there.
- Where do we want to live in five years, and rent or own?
- Do we want children, and what might that cost?
- Any career moves, grad school, or starting a business?
- What travel or experiences do we not want to miss?
- What does financially comfortable look like for us?
7 Safety nets and the what-ifs
- Do we have an emergency fund? Three to six months of expenses is common.
- Do we each have life insurance? Should we?
- Who are our beneficiaries, and do they need updating after the wedding?
- What happens if one of us cannot work for a while?
8 The legal paperwork
Marriage is a legal and financial partnership, so a few documents are worth handling early:
- A prenuptial agreement, if you want to clarify how assets are handled. An attorney drafts it, and a notary notarizes it.
- Updating beneficiaries on retirement accounts, life insurance, and bank accounts.
- Powers of attorney and healthcare directives, so you can act for each other if needed.
- Your marriage license, plus name-change paperwork after the ceremony.
Several of these need to be notarized, which is where we come in.
How to have the talk without a fight
- Pick a calm moment, not payday stress or right before bed.
- Lead with curiosity, not criticism.
- No shaming past mistakes. Everyone has money baggage.
- If it gets tense, take a break and come back to it.
Getting married in NYC?
Once the money talk is done, the fun begins. Married by NotarEaseNYC officiates intimate ceremonies and notarizes prenups, POAs, and the paperwork that comes with tying the knot.
This article is general educational information to help couples start a conversation. It is not financial, tax, or legal advice. For decisions specific to your situation, consult a licensed financial planner, tax professional, or attorney.